Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Tri-ing Again - Part Two (as in, read Part One First)

The best part of a triathlon, in my limited experience, is the part where you stand still, and just take it all in.

Every size and shape, the bright colors, the palpable excitement; it's intoxicating.  It doesn't matter if you are there to win it or there to just finish it, at this moment in time you are all the same - you are triathlon participants.

I stood there with my bike, looking over the lake, the cemetery, the flags, the buoys and the transition area.  I took a deep breath and I spent a moment just loving life. The times that I thought I would never be an athlete again got pushed out of my head, and I replaced it with thoughts of being strong, persevering and conquering.  Bill always tells me "Be Here Now".  For a change, I was.

Moe and I unloaded our things in the transition area and headed toward the lake to warm up.  Since the water temp was at 82 degrees, wet suits were declared unnecessary and people wearing them were warned that they would be tolerated but not eligible for awards.  Personally, I would die of heat stroke in a wet suit in 82 degree water but I guess that is just me.

The next best part of a triathlon?  The part where you spot "Your People". Seeing Bill and Casey walking down the hill toward me was calming and exciting at the same time.  The last time I did a triathlon, in 2000, Casey was (unbeknownst to me) growing in my belly.  Now here she was, dancing down the hill wearing the shirt Travis wore that day 12 years ago that said "My Mom Tri's".  Double entendre totally intended.

          She had highjacked my race shirt and created this masterpiece:

   With my crappy Danskin issued latex swim cap and my beautiful shirt, I was ready to roll.

We lined up for the swim, Moe and I in the front with all intentions of heading to the right and staying out of "the Pack".  I am comfortable in one thing - my swimming ability.  I know how to swim in open water and have thousands of hours logged in the pool for the last 35 years.  This was my happy place. I wanted this part. They counted it down, and we were off.  I am the one by the right buoy.

After clearing that buoy people start to find their spot.  I stayed right to make way for stronger swimmers to pass, and as I did, I caught a hefty kick in the ribs from the person in front of me. I sucked in a huge mouthful of water and had I not been panicking about breathing, I would have laughed at the irony that the news report would read "Although a lifelong swimmer, she drowned 3 minutes into the tirathlon".

I had serious regrouping to do, which I attempted by swimming breaststroke until I could take a normal breath again.  My ribs were sore but were taking a back seat to the ragged breaths I was taking.  It took me a quarter mile to recover in time to find that my damn cheap swim cap was coming off.  I had chosen not to wear goggles, not wanting another thing to contend with, and I would stick with that choice in the future, but I will definitely go the two cap route next time around. That way if I lose the race cap, oh well, there is another underneath.  That's about the only significant race advice you're going to get from me, so file it.

I rounded the buoy and headed back, ending up 12th in my age group and visibly pissed off when I hit land.  My happy place had not been at all happy, but I dropped that thought and headed for transition, only to feel a slap on my butt as Moe caught up and said "tag, you're it".  I knew it was the last time I would see her for a couple hours, and I was so proud of how well she swam.  She listened to every bit of advice I offered and put it to use, and then she proceeded to shine.  Like any good swim coach, I was busting with pride.

I had decided a long time ago to take this race and make it my own.  I wanted to take extra time in transition to make sure my feet were dry, my socks were on right and I had everything I needed.  Extra transition time goes against everything a true triathlete does, but it was important to me to not have to stop to adjust things.  And I needed to breathe.

I ran my bike to the start and hopped on.  My past experience proved that you do not take a mountain bike to a triathlon so I had done some homework and visited the local bike shop to get fitted for a decent seat and hybrid tires.  Wow, what a difference that made.  I actually beat my bike time from 12 years ago, even though I was passed by 50+  people who either called out "on your left" or "Go Mom Go", reading the back of my Casey designed shirt.  Of course I preferred the latter.

And because it's me - I am going to go on a little tirade here.  In the bike leg, if there is an ENTIRE road open and I am ALREADY on the right of it, is it really necessary to scream "ON YOUR LEFT" as you pass me?  I suspect not, and I suspect this is some sort of ego boosting, if-you-were-a-guy-you-would-have-a-boner sort of inflation you need to make yourself feel good.  But me?  I think you kind of suck. And I think you truly suck if you were the girls that never, not once, bothered to acknowledge the hundreds of people in bright green t shirts that came out on a Sunday morning to voluntarily cheer for YOU.  I really don't think you lose precious seconds by flashing a smile, and believe me, you missed the whole point if you blew past these amazing fans without a thought.  By the second bike loop, the older couple in their lawn chairs outside  their house pegged me as there's "the girl who always smiles".  I loved those people, and I appreciate everyone who volunteers for these type of things. You rock.

The bike leg included the inevitable hills, and here was where I wished I could have an actual triathlon bike.  Here is where I chatted myself up BIG TIME about how strong I was, how I was going to beat this hill and fly down, alternating with giggling because the "ON YOUR LEFT" screamers were now reduced to breathlessly panting it as they struggled by.

At the bottom of the hill you turned right, and there was a parking lot to your left.  It caught my eye because my favorite coffee shop; Biggby Coffee was there.  As I was going past I saw a girl in red, jumping up and down and yelling "Go Kim, Go!".  On closer inspection I saw that it was Susie, a nurse I worked with who lived in Howell and got up early on her Sunday morning to cheer.  For me.  She came to cheer for me.  How awesome is that?  Awesome enough for me to say it again - if you are ever considering volunteering or cheering someone on who is involved in any sort of big race, you should do it.  You have NO idea how motivating it is to see a familiar face and how it kicks you into the gear you didn't think you had left.  Susie Papson, I will never forget what you did for me.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I finished the bike, thankful for the brick workouts Will had suggested. Previously my Old Lady Hip had been on fire after the bike, but the brick workouts taught me to work with it and move slower while stretching it out. Amazingly, Old Lady Hip was not giving me too much trouble.  Whether adrenaline or intervention of the Gods, I thank her for taking the day off.  I grabbed Moe's Made in Detroit hat (I used  wedding rules for the tri - something borrowed, something blue etc.) and prepared to face my nemesis, The Run.

There are people who catch the virus of running.  It creeps up on them, as viruses do, and before they know it they are attacked and have the magical running virus.  They embrace their new sport, sing it from the rooftops, post their times, and spread their new virus to everyone they know.

Everyone except me, who apparently has been well vaccinated. I am immune to the running virus.  But I press on, hoping that one day my tolerance will be low and I will catch it, thus becoming one of the Greyhound/Gazelle/Jamaican Sprinter runners I visualize as I slog through my miles.  The same ones I am watching now, coming to the finish line as I start the last leg of my tri.

Time to move, time for tunes.  Digging around in the front of my bra I turned on my speaker and hit play.  I am not stupid, I know this will never fly at future races and will never do it again, but today my music was a security blanket that I desperately needed.  I fell into step, fell into breath and headed toward the cemetery with Amy Lee's strong beautiful voice drifting up from my boobs.

I had three goals when I started the race that day. Number one was to finish.  Number two was to smile the whole time and enjoy every moment.  Number three was the most important to me.  It was: never, ever to walk during the run. For me, it would not have seemed like I truly accomplished the tri if I walked the run. I respect that you have to do what you have to do, but this was my promise to myself, the part that made it real and the challenge I put up for the athlete that still resides in my heart.

As I anticipated, Moe lapped me on my first pass through the cemetery.  She warned me of a big hill that was at the end of the first loop and as she went by said "YOU. DO. NOT. WALK. THAT. HILL. Big long powerful strides up the hill.  You Can DO THIS".  And away she went, like a real gazelle.  Long legs flying and looking like the runner she has been since I met her in high school.  How totally appropriate that this was when the "FALK" headstone came into view. It needed to be done. So with the Beastie Boys playing from my boobs and the thought of the big hill ahead, I acknowledged the late Mr. Falk at the top of my lungs.  And I felt pretty damn good about it. Sometimes you just need a good falk to make yourself feel better.

Running, running, running over dirt, wood chips, gravel.  I kept running.  I ran up the big hill and down the big hill and smiled for the man who was wildly cheering for me as I entered the second and final loop. I read tombstones and ran for young people who didn't get the chance to run enough in their life.  I ran for the people in pictures who smiled at me from their marble headstones.  I just ran, and it felt really, really good.

As I approached the road leading to the big hill, I was alone.  A lot of people had passed me, and I wasn't really sad, just reflective about where I had been, and where I was now.  I knew in my heart I could finish this, even if it was going to be alone, and well after the people I came here with.  I looked up and saw a figure running the wrong way down the path, I wondered who would run the wrong way with everyone there to direct you.  And I stopped wondering when I saw that it was Moe.

She had finished.  She had taken off her medal and her timing chip and she had come back to run.  With me.  She came to help me get over that hill, a reality and a metaphor at the same time. She came to be my friend.

Up the hill I went for the last time that day.  Up the hill as she reminded me all the things that hill represented. To the top of the hill as she reminded me that my husband and daughter were waiting for me.  Down the hill as I cried for the first time that day.  Down the path as we headed for the finish line together.

I am crying as I type this.  There are so many things in life that are uncertain, unhappy, emotionally and mentally draining.  But when you know you have people in your corner that will never give up on you; how can you stop trying?  As I ran toward the finish I promised myself to never stop trying.

Our daughters came into view.  Casey and Natalie, three months apart in age, polar opposites in looks, quite alike in whimsy.  Jumping and screaming and waving a sign that as I got closer read "Go Mom Go!" with the appropriate 11 year old girl hearts, music notes and smiley faces plastered all over it.  People on the hill at the finish clapping, cheering, pointing me to the end.  The end, it was right in front of me.  I just had to run a little more.  I was tired, and like every single time I got tired that day, something happened to keep me going.  That something was this:

      The Danskin People let our daughters and my friend help me bring it on home.

So I did.

I got my medal, looked for my husband and let the tears come.  Just for a little bit, because those tears weren't sad ones. I let Bill's words into my head and stored them for future moments when I would need them to lift me up.  I posed for the pictures and found my stuff and declined the invitation to go out to breakfast because at that point, I just wanted to go home and eat bacon there.  Bill made me the best omelette I have ever had after a shower where I discovered the reason I did not run like a gazelle.  A fat leech, stuck to my ankle, full of the amazing running ability that he had spent all morning sucking out of me.

That's the story I'm going with, anyway.

This is the end of my triathlon post.  But it's also another chapter of my journey to being a healthier, happier Kim.  And it very well may be the beginning of the book that's titled "You Too Can Get Your Shit Together at 47".  I am off to start training again.  I have a 10K to run on Thanksgiving, because everyone needs to own a Turkey Bitch. Wish me luck.


Birgit Kerr said...

You are totally amazing! I feel like I was with you there running - thank you for that! What a huge accomplishment on so many levels for you!! You rock, my friend! As for the running virus ... I know what you mean ... I'm not catching it either. :P

Amy Tyrrell said...

Kim. Thank you for sharing this. I said it once and I will say it here. You were the most inspiring person to me at the race. Glad to be your new friend and look forward to sharing more accomplishments with you in the future.

Big powerful love from me to you.


Jules said...

You were crying as you typed it and I was crying as I read it. Moe is a very special friend and what a blessing in your life.

I want to be you when I grow up.

Marcie said...

Kim you are such an inspiration. Thank you for sharing this journey with us. This brought me to tears, not sad but good tears. Tears that I do can do this. You are such a beautiful person inside and out. Hopefully I will see you at next years triathlon.